roadrunners

i’m applying for work all over this great, loyal dominion of ours right now.  some of those positions are in places that can be far colder than it is where we live now.  normally, i’m okay with that – after so many decades dealing with ridiculous wind chills, i can kinda-deal with the way that three months of the year is as cold as one of the deeper circles of dante’s hell.  not that living in canada is like living in hell.  at least not for the other nine months of the year.

but anyway, like i said, i can kinda-deal with the idea of living in places where the cold is That Much colder than it is now.  that is, i can deal with the idea until my family who live in much further south than us e-mail me pictures like this:

roadrunner

that, friends, is a baby roadrunner hanging out on their back porch.  And sun.  lots and lots and lots of sun.  and warmth.  that’s the kind of sun (and warmth) that almost makes me want to put up with (1) lack of state-sponsored health care, (2) religious crazies, (2) anti-women’s rights nut-jobs, and (3)anti-gay, human-rights bigots.

perhaps i could move there, enjoy the warmth and sun, and in the mean time affect positive change on those fronts from the inside.

angry buddhas

i was angry a lot when i was younger.  i wasn’t violent or a danger to self or society, but i was definitely jaded and annoyed.  my wit had spoiled into an awful cynicism as i let myself believe that Things Hadn’t Worked Out, or at the very least, that Things Weren’t Going to Plan.

Although I eventually came around and realized that there never really could be a checklist to confirm one’s life and measure its relative success by (whatever that means), the Things remained.  I’m not really Angry anymore – I haven’t been for a number of years – but an element of Disdain lingers. And that’s okay. this Disdain for Things is what keeps me principled and opinionated and sometimes political.

Sometimes, though, I wonder if i should just let it all dissipate, let it all Slide like the penguin in Fight Club suggests to Tyler.  Maybe if I became a stoic like i longed to be in my ignorant misadventures of youth (before the onset of Anger), maybe then I’d reach zen?  but it can’t work that way, because in spite of his meditations, Buddha is of the world.  I am informed and wise today on account of that Anger I lived and experience for so long.  How could enlightenment begin if I had to let go of the vestiges of a time, which, as awful as it may have been, now offers me the long-view I long for?  Or does enlightenment begin by staring the simplified paradox in the eye, as i am doing now?

anyway.

scribere

earlier today i was listening to shelagh rogers interview george elliott clarke on the cbc (possibly the link is here: http://podcast.cbc.ca/mp3/nextchapter_20091009_21352.mp3).  GEC was speaking generally about the racial and cultural history of Halifax and how it affected his childhood and informed his life.  He noted well that Halifax, founded in 1749, allowed its prominent (read: white and upper-class) citizens reside behind the protection of the stockade in the south end, while others (read: lower-class, first nations, and black) resided to the north of what would become the citadel and the naval yards – still with an element of protection, but definitely outside the confines of Society and Safety.   He also noted well that Halifax’s first slave market opened in 1750.  i’m touching on only the historical element of the conversation, but he was basically summarizing the notion that we’re all born of place(s) and time(s), i.e. we can’t escape our geographies.   the conversation was all well and good.

At any rate, at some point in the conversation, GEC said off-hand to Rogers, “I’m a writer…,” and continued on with the story.  That’s awesome.  Wouldn’t it be great if we could all be poets and storytellers?  I’m happy for your George Elliott Clarke.  and a little jealous.

uppity up

i’m helping a friend reinvent the wheel by shifting her online magainze to a new cms, and i’m having a bit of fun by it.  i’ve accumulated a lot of knowledge about cms’s like MT, WP, and Drupal over the past few years, and I’m still a little surprised when i find myself able to hack out a little bit of code to push along the elements that are needed in a certain moment.  and i’m also fairly proud of myself (in the most humble way possible) when i can acknowledge my limits and and reserve judgement about general graphic design – i can help you on order and structure and the underlying code, but i’m not so great with colour-codes, and that’s okay.

(I do know, however – i learned long ago, from a bfa student i was crushing on at the time – that orange is the complimentaty colour of blue.  but that’s as far as my knowledge can take me.)

in other news, this site was down for two weeks or so, by design.  for quite some time i’ve been struggling with what to make of this site and of my self.  i don’t use it anymore, but i don’t want to let it go, either.  there is the do-nothing approach, i.e. let it sit as is, as an archive of sorts.  but really now, we’re all well aware that most digital archives of this variety are nothing more than an idea left to whither on the vine.

in other other news, helping the friend from the first paragraph gives me hope that maybe one day and i can do something vigourous online again.  i’ve always the the idea of playing with some sort of arts-and-culture forum but have never done anything about it for (a) a lack of time, and (b) a lack of confidence.  maybe one day i can change that.

perhaps that previous paragraph can be a tie between the first paragraph and the other news.   ho-hum.

harbinger.

we don’t know a thing about things like atmospheric pressure and ocean currents and the motions of the planets but we do know that we love the first couple days of the fall when the air is crisp and the sun’s rays are golden and everything outside looks like it does on the the 35mm reels of our childhoods that our parents never shot but we like to imagine they did anyway.  the reels where we are always wearing cords and sweaters and have longish hair not because it was cool to have longish hair but because that’s the way kids roll.  and then some one took a snapshot with a camera instead of a scene of moving pictures, and, there you are frozen in time and staring into the camera’s eye, half-standing and half-crawling over a picnic table or a chair or a pile of wood. but it doesn’t matter, does it? because what’s good about it is your toothy grin and your shiny-shiny blue button-up jacket and the verdant fields behind you.  it’s the kind of green that is bristling with life even when september is long in the tooth, a green so full of chlorophyll and organic material and all that stuff they told us about when they were teaching us about photosynthesis. but it’s also a green that is teetering, almost demanding to collapse into the dull browns that the autumn brings.  our teachers told us to call it autumn but we knew better then just like we know better now because that time way back when was As Good As It Gets, and once you hit A Good As It Gets, when for a tiny moment on the face of this planet spinning around the sun, for a tiny fraction of a moment when you look in one direction and the light your eye catches is nothing but love and warmth, you know, you damn-well know that it’s not going to last much longer it can’t remain at all because after something as good as this there is only decline. and however much we profess to love the autumn it really is nothing more than a fall, a tumble, a wretched stumble on the rocks down to where it’s wet and dirty and cold.

a thousand mona lisas.

1. school is back in session. it’s the last year. that’s monumental in my world.

2. lately i’ve been posting pretty digitized things over here.  i don’t know how long i’ll keep it up.

thoughts on the canadian senate

this is old news.

for the moment, i appreciate something that stephen harper has recently done.  actually, i appreciate something he’s done twice, which is his two rounds of appointments to the senate this year.

the fact the stephen harper has twice in the past year appointed a swath of people to the senate shouldn’t be so disturbing to the canadian public.  and the fact that they’re all tories shouldn’t be so surprising either; harper is a conservative and so we shouldn’t expect more of him. (The fact that mr. dithers, paul martin, long ago reached across the floor and raised a few tories alongside his own liberal appointments was a grand gesture that we should never expect to be repeated).  this is standard canadian politics.  it’s an awful business, but we’re used to to it.  and for now, on this issue, we must yet carry on with it as it is.

this doesn’t mean i think we should roll over on the subject of senate appointments.  on the contrary, like many people – people of all political leanings, colours, and stripes – i support the abolition of the senate.  we have proved to ourselves, in all of our provincial jurisdictions, that canadian governance can carry on with only one legislative chamber per jurisdiction.  we learned long ago that a second chamber doesn’t bring sober second thought – it only brings more red tape, bureaucratic and political wranglings, and added cost to the machinery of government.

however, until the senate is properly abolished (i.e. effaced from the constitution), it must continue to carry on with its duty to propose, review, and pass legislation.  but so long stephen harper refused to refused to make any senate appointments, the mechanics of canadian government were at risk.  although we weren’t quite there yet, it was nonetheless easy to look down the road and envision a time in the not-too-distant future when quorum might not be able to be met in the upper chamber, thereby halting the passage of any and all legislation either proposed within it or passed to it from the house of commons.  the prime minister had a duty last winter, as he did this summer, to fill the empty senate seats to keep the business of the house moving.

let me be clear on these muddled thoughts: i don’t like mike duffy in the senate.  and i don’t think there is a place in the senate for famous hockey coaches (even if said famous hockey coach suffered through an illiterate life and then bravely confessed so much to the nation and now successfully promotes literacy programmes in quebec – he’s still just a hockey coach).  i want to see the senate abolished (because my own idea of the senate as a house of Philosopher Kings would never fly, so abolition is the next best thing).  but until it’s abolished, we must make due with the fact that the senate is a vital organ of Parliament.  It may not do much for us, but according to the rules laid down in our constitution (as well as the rules agreed to within both Chambers), the senate cannot be willfully ignored.  so until that time when we can properly ditch it, we must suffer through the sinecures and patronage appointments.  let’s just hope that Duffy et weren’t being disingenuous when they promised to actually retire after sitting in the red chairs for 8 years.

things thought

i learned some things this summer.  the most important thing was something that came to me in my last week of my employment, which was that the work i had been doing wouldn’t interest me as a long-term or even as a short-term career.  all of a sudden the work that my position entailed looked dull and boring and a little “too similar” to something i might have wanted to do in a previous life.  i understand that my job was project-based and not fully immersed in the subtle nuances of the field, but all the same i was for a moment able to look at the bigger picture and consider just how quickly i might become bored and/or frustrated with the tasks to be completed.   so now i’m considering the thought of doing government-work instead.  there ain’t no work like the work of a g-man, that’s for sure.

there’s also the income part of things on this issue.  the environment which i had situated myself has a relatively meagre pay scale relative to other work environments where similar tasks are performed.  when the time comes, i’ll probably still consider positions in this field because it’s much easier to enter into than would public service (i.e. my strong support for union rights would be my undoing since i’m not part of a public service union at the moment), but right now i’m more confident that i can find meaningful, heartfelt work in x government sector that offers better pay, 21 days of vacation a year (or something like that) and a half-way decent pension.

being a g-man, of course, leaves me stuck in the great white north.  this is unfortunate because a big part of me would like to leave this snowy climate.  but i guess i’ll burn that bridge when i get to do it.

apologies for all typographical, grammatical, and dyslexic errors.  i’m too tired to proof-read this today.

in september

it’s september, school is in, and so is the flu bug.  all around me people are getting sick, and i think i’m about to do down for the count as well.  all week i was feeling groggy when i really shouldn’t have, and then this afternoon i noticed my throat becoming increasingly scratchy and my head wonky.  this isn’t so great, but at least it’s happening in the first week of class instead of the fourth or fifth, as has happened to me a couple times over the past couple years.

this is ostenisbly the last year i’ll be in school as a full-time student.  it’s been a long time coming, hells yes.  i’m looking forward to the day that i’m not always wondering where or when The Student Loan People will come calling (or not calling).  Soon, very soon, a regular, halfway decent paycheque will enter unto my life again, and i shall be pleasantly..  pleased.

now, back to the Hayden

alias

alias, i may retire you.